3.18.2009

I Looted Baghdad Museum

There is a man - we'll call him Mr. X for legal reasons - who ... let's just say he seems to have a history of making wild and unfounded allegations about people, posting them on a web site, and then ... removing them once he's received a large sum of money.
One of his most 'effective' claims - one he has made against numerous people - is that they orchestrated the war in Iraq to be able to loot Baghdad Museum. (It worked time and again as each victim of extortion attempts did not seem to be aware of other similar claims).

Some people have tried the legal route, getting injunctions, but that route failed as it's very difficult to police the internet - the allegations just spring up again on a 'new' site. Some people are said to have given in and paid him off in frustration. Others have ignored him.

I've devoted a chunk of the last couple of days to untangling the 'network' of people that are claimed to have started the war and looted Baghdad Museum ... then a lawyer emailed me to say he'd also been accused of orchestrating the war to loot the Museum.

And it struck me that the only person most of them know in common is Me, so if Mr. X wants to make ridiculous claims ...

I confess that I looted Baghdad Museum in April 2003.

And here's a photo of me doing it.
See how I'm concentrating hard on the golden scarab, lost in my evil thoughts of plotting to take over the world ...

I know you're wondering how I managed to get in there, and grab everything whilst Baghdad Museum was full of Iraqi soldiers firing ... it's because I didn't do it single-handed. Evil villain that I am I enlisted the help of a super-hero - Hell Boy - and entangled the poor innocent man in my nefarious plot.

(couldn't resist snapping a photo on my cell phone - please note the museum case visible behind him).

Obviously flying the contents of Baghdad Museum out of Iraq wasn't possible because of the no-fly-zone. But I had to be able to take them out of the country to be able to sell them to my evil art collector friends in the States ...

... so I enlisted the help of my friend Long John Silver and sailed them out on his pirate ship.

(Note drafting board in the back on which I sketched out my evil plans.)

I know that Mr. X likes to accuse people - including me - on his web site of anything and everything, so I confess that I also stole King Tutankhamen's head-dress.

We all have bad hair days, and I thought the solution would be to cover my hair with gold and lapis lazuli. It's also handy for keeping my neck warm in winter. Not sure if the beard works for me, but ...
Nefertiti's bust ... sorry, but clearly I couldn't resist that either.

There you go Mr. X - a full confession.

And next time, if you have 'proof' of something like looting - go to the authorities, as extortion is not nice.

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